Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm like, not good at living.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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