Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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