what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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