Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Terrible idea I love it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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