I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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