Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
