y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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