pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
not ubering you a puppy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
