It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
