my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
