You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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