I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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