based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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