My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
