I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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