I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
