I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
