I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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