Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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