i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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