the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
