and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
