matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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