His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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