Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
