I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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