I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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