speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Panties = found
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