aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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