well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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