Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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