All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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