One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
