i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
