so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
