I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
