I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
