How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
