we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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