Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
