My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm passing your future prison.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
