I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
