My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
