Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
