how can u be prego again
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
