I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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