You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
