Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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