I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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