I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
