I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
