upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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