i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
