I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
