I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
