It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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