Im at strip club and am horny
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
