so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
