i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
