He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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