the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
