Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
