he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
