i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
