Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
