i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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