Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
