I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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