In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
