ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive