i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.