omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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