Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

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(678): For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you. http://tfl.nu/2vfg

Replies (1) Good night (3444) Bad night (1040)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

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(808): you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech http://tfl.nu/bl5m

Replies (25) Good night (4511) Bad night (1357)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?

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(502): I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here? http://tfl.nu/c5kh

Replies (6) Good night (2235) Bad night (762)
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(443): View more from Maryland

She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.

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(443): She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals. http://tfl.nu/esz5

Replies (14) Good night (2719) Bad night (829)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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(503): I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan? (1-503): yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case. http://tfl.nu/ztrg

Replies (1) Good night (1324) Bad night (681)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame

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(724): i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame http://tfl.nu/h4cx

Replies (1) Good night (2197) Bad night (635)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...

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(419): Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great... http://tfl.nu/5p74

Replies (1) Good night (1512) Bad night (665)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony

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(720): I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony http://tfl.nu/iwpl

Replies (6) Good night (913) Bad night (1568)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.

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(610): Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/pb1f

Replies (8) Good night (2459) Bad night (779)
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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...

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(419): having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance... http://tfl.nu/f7dv

Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (858)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.

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(717): We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes. http://tfl.nu/zq4p

Replies (5) Good night (1945) Bad night (533)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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(859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb

Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (330)
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(619): View more from California

Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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(619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t

Replies (8) Good night (900) Bad night (358)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Why do you hate her?

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....

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(601): Why do you hate her? (1-601): She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina..... http://tfl.nu/0u28

Replies (1) Good night (729) Bad night (264)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.

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(732): We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man. http://tfl.nu/m7bs

Replies (2) Good night (254) Bad night (439)

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