If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.