please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
